Red

The first thing I'm aware of jolts me into conciousness-

POW!

-and I can feel a warmth take over my front.

My eyes burst open, mouth dropping in a scream so loud it surely woke everyone on the street, had the shot not already done so.

Red.

It's splattered over the wall, splattered over the floor and, worst, it's splattered all over me.

I'm staring, gasping for air and with every little bit I manage to force in, it retreats just as quickly in a breathless continuation of the scream.

Tears are running down my cheeks, a sickly red color as they mingled with the liquid dripping from my chin, my hands and- oh gog--

I whip my hand back as though finding I was holding a poisonous snake.

A pistol drops from my trembling fingers, shimmering a deathly silver as it falls and hits the ground- but I don't hear it.

I can't hear anything over my screaming.

He's fallen back against the wall, eyes so wide I was frightened they might pop right out of his head, mouth hanging open much like my own.

Except.. he's limp.

Completely and utterly limp.

I'm sobbing and wretching and oh gog the stench of blood is all over my and he's dead and- and-

I stumble backward, nearly losing my footing as the liquid trickles across the floor; reaching for me with grotesque, crooked claws.

My throat is raw but I can't stop.

I won't stop.

Ever.

The tears are blinding me and when I try to wipe them away I'm seeing red because there was blood all over my hands and I'm wretching again and fuck now there's puke and blood everywhere and there's someone outside and oh grub what am I going to do.

Whoever was outside isn't outside anymore- they forced the door in.

I hardly notice it as the sound of the lock breaking is, like their shouting, lost on me.

His eyes are still wide, still staring at me in horrible betrayal.

I can't stop looking.

Suddenly I'm falling forward and forcing my hands over his heart and the blood is suprting out between my fingers oh gog, help me, please, someone, oh gog.

He won't stop bleeding, no matter how hard I try and I feel like my throat is bleeding from all of the screaming and the last thing I want to see is more blood.

I jerk and cry and plead when someone grabs me- no, no, help him, help him!

I'm yelling and pulling and trying to get away -they can't take him away from me- but they're yelling right back.

All of a sudden I'm warm all over again and it's making me cry worse.

I close my eyes and try and tell himself it isn't real becuase I can hear them behind me and oh gog what do you mean he's dead he can't be dead he's my best friend.

They're saying I killed him.

I start screaming again, I can't help it, and I'm trying to get away from whoever is grabbing me and I can hear myself- no no no no no no

"NO!"

Everything stops.

I can't hear anything but my own wracking sobs.

I still feel restrained- someone is still holding on to me.

Even as I try to open my eyes, I can't because all I see is darkness.

Then I hear it-- I hear him.

"Shh... it's alright, brother..."

No, no, it's not, it's really not; yet no matter how hard I try to say it, to scream it, I can't manage anything but uneven, hitching crying.

"I've got you now, just relax.."

Panic floods my senses.

He's dead- he's got me- he's dead- he's got me- oh gog, he's dead and he's got me!

My lungs give a vicious grab for air and my eyes flash open and all of a sudden it's all gone- only really gone, this time.

I'm still crying, but... he's got me.

We're lying in bed, I'm sobbing and he's got his arms wrapped so tight around me it hurts and he's alright--

He's alright.

I shove my face against his chest and cry, and cry, and I'm so relieved I can't even think.

He keeps whispering soothing things against my hair, large hands rubbing along my back, and I start to believe him.

"It's alright..."

I find my sobs calming, my pulse slowing to a normal pace and my tears drying, yet my grip on him hasn't slackened at all.

I can suddenly hear myself again; whispering over and over.

"I love you, I love you, I love you.. gog, please don't ever leave me, please.. I love you.."

And he simply whispers in return, just like he should, just like he always does-

"Shhh.. I've got you, Karkat..."